Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Don't Rush It

If there is one thing I would say to new first time parents, it would be do not rush it! Seeing your child hit all the milestones early, rolling, sitting, crawling, walking, it's exciting! You feel as if your child is ahead of the game, which is great and a feeling of accomplishment. But, don't rush it! Take these early days, weeks, months of your child's life and enjoy it, slow down, and just enjoy it. Soon enough they'll master these new moves. Your child will likely be standing before you know it; they'll be walking, and soon running!

Last night it hit me as I watched my oldest, my Little Miss at her gymnastics class, that I was that parent who couldn't wait for their child to sit, crawl, stand and walk. I remember propping her up to sit and holding her hands encouraging her to take steps and walk on her own. She wasn't "early" with many of the tasks, Little Miss was barely standing unassisted when she turned a year old, but just shortly after her first birthday she took off and hasn't slowed down since. 

So, last night as I sat and watched her swinging on the rings, climbing rock walls, walking a balance beam it made me realize how quickly this time has gone, how quickly my baby is becoming less and less dependent on me. She will soon be two and a half years old, then her third birthday will be here before I know it. This means next year my baby will be able to play organized recreational sports and I don't know if I'm ready for this. With each passing day and each new milestone reached, she is slowly gaining her independence, she is slowly letting go of my hand and finding her own footing. Am I proud? You better believe it! My baby is growing up! Though I have learned, don't rush it!

So for now I will cherish each time she grabs my hand. I will cherish the moments where she plays as if she is shy and hides behind me, because I know soon these moments, these days will all just be a memory. I won't rush it!

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Transparency


What if every day you felt like an inadequate parent? What if every day you constantly thought how your kids deserve much better than you, deserve more than you can offer? What if every day you felt bad for your spouse because they have to live with you? What if every day you hated the person you've become? What if every day you woke up just to go through the motions, but rarely found pure joy in your day? What if every day you were scared of some of your actions? What if every day you slowly felt pieces of your true personality slipping away? What if every day you felt alone? What if every day you felt disconnected from people who love you, care for you? What if every day you felt unloved? What if every day you struggled to get out of bed? What if every day you worried about things that could happen? 
What if every night you laid down and thanked God for your family, but hated how you treated them? What if every night you had to tell yourself tomorrow will be different? What if every night you told yourself it was just a bad day? What if every night you laid down to sleep but couldn't turn your brain off? What if every night you dealt with fears, irrational fears? What if every night you wanted to touch your children to make sure they were okay, that they were still breathing? What if every night you were also terrified to touch them, because what if they weren't okay? What if every night you wished it was day light because you don't like being in the dark alone? What if every night you laid your head on the pillow and just thought to yourself that tomorrow will be better, it has to be, because you feel like you're slowly losing control of your life? What if every night you knew deep down you'd wake up to do it all again tomorrow?

I am the face of postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. 
I am not alone, you are not alone. Open up, speak out, and don't be afraid to ask for help. 

Sunday, January 29, 2017

I wrote this last week and time has gotten away from me, so posting now and praying for a smooth and easy week! Ha!

"The days are long, but the years are short." I've often heard mothers mutter these words or heard others gently reminding mothers of this saying. Heck, I've said it myself more times than I can count. No one, I mean no one warned me how long some of these days could feel. Much of motherhood is all praises of those happy moments, those "winning mom" moments. Social media shows the high lights of motherhood and often puts up a false pretense of what motherhood really looks like sometimes. It's HARD, the days are long, sometimes way longer than we'd wish for. Will bedtime ever come? And let's be honest, even when it does, you're likely to have at least one (usually both) kid(s) up at some point during the night. So, perhaps the days and nights are often long, but the time flies by. 
Today I found myself in one of those moments, one of the moments that's rarely talked about. One kid head butting the other, both kids screaming, laundry piled on the floor, snacks spread across the living room, one naked child running around, the other dousing you in spit up, mommy losing her patience (patience lost...long gone)...yeah *that* moment. As moms we've all had at least one of those moments, where  you find yourself unleashing it all to the mom friend you know who won't judge you. --Can I just say thank the good Lord for placing one of those friends in my life!-- 
For every mother envying those who seem to "have it all together", don't. Just don't do it! Behind every social media account is just another mom who's likely losing it at some point, just like you. You are not alone! It's okay to have those days! Because at the end of *THOSE DAYS* your child is still loved and cared for! Deep breath and push on, this doesn't last forever and you won't always be needed in these ways, your kids won't always be running you wild or fighting with one another, your laundry won't always be piled high, and one day you'll miss those snacks covering your living room floor...so for now, breathe, take your moment, hide out in the bathroom for some "me time" if you muse, but BREATHE and remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

Sunday, January 15, 2017

A month in, how did this happen so quickly? I could've sworn just yesterday we were bringing Little Man home from the hospital. Walking in the house to see my Little Miss, giving her the biggest hug and settling in for our first tandem nursing session. But, no, that wasn't yesterday. This month has flown, it's been a roller coaster of a ride for this postpartum family. I knew the holidays would throw us off a bit. Let's be honest, the holidays throw you for a loop even without a huge life changing event, like adding a new member to your family. Toss in said life changing event and well it's a recipe...it's a recipe for sure. We welcome Little Man and we definitely welcome the chaos! Bring it on! As 2016 was coming to a close, I thought finally we can settle down, slow down and "enjoy" this adjustment period. I use the word "enjoy" loosely, and with many meanings. I was longing for a slow down, and just as I thought it was going to happen life tosses a curve ball! 

Then came the diagnosis of RSV, for not one, but BOTH KIDS! Welcome 2017!! Talk about being thrown in to life with two kids. There was no slow transition , we jumped straight in to having two sick littles. We prayed and really thought Little Man would breeze through RSV and not have a rough time with it. Little Miss had already seen the worst of it and was on the mend, when it ended up going downhill for our sweet little 3 week old man. Thankfully, after three nights in the hospital, he's home and they are both so much better!

So, to say the least, this first month has been a roller coaster, full of ups, downs, and many emotions (I'll open up about those soon)! Here's our first professional family of four photo. We kinda nailed it!