You Will Never Outgrow My Love

I've never been able to understand how time can move so slowly, yet fly by all at the same time. I'm here wondering how I've survived the past 6 months of mommy hood when it seems like it's passed in a whirlwind. Did I work with her and teach her enough? Were there moments I missed out on? Should I have taken more time for myself? Or did I sit back and allow our new life to slowly bloom in front of me like a flower blooming in spring? Regardless how I took on the past 6 months they are behind us, a faint memory, a time that can only be brought back through photographs and video snippets of what life once was. Little Miss is becoming more and more independent and I'm learning that life with a child is about letting go slowly. She left my womb and began a life all her own...letting go. She doesn't need me to hold her all the time...letting go. She's becoming a bit more mobile and thinks it's funny to roll away from me...letting go. Soon she will begin solid food and won't be nourished 100% from my body...letting go. These are only the firsts of mamas having to let go. It's not always easy to realize you aren't needed in the same ways you were yesterday. She will always need me in some aspect, even when she's grown and I'll be there for her. There will come a day when she's going to spread her wings and fly. She's not going to realize how many times her mama was there for her, but I'll be waiting because I know my work won't have been done.

A baby is born with a need to be loved and never outgrows it. 

- Frank A. Clark

Love is

I realize I write about my daughter and postpartum a lot, but I want to take this week to switch gears a tiny bit. 10 years ago, someone entered my life and forever altered it. This past week we will celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary! 

To my husband,

I know I don't say this enough, but thank you. Thank you for loving me. For really loving me, not just my shell, but every thing about me. I know first hand that I've got some character flaws, but some how, you manage to see through my faults and love me anyways. You've been one of my biggest supporters. When I fall down or make a huge mistake, you're always there to pick me up or encourage me through tough times. I know times aren't always perfect and sometimes we disagree, but I wouldn't change it for the world. 

I thought I loved you with all of my heart, but I haven't. There was an empty space, a space that's been filled and that's seeing you as a daddy. I didn't realize I could love you anymore until I first saw you hold her, kiss her and count her tiny toes. It was beautiful, the two of you are beautiful. My life is filled with joy because you're a part of it. When I hear you talking to our sweet girl while I'm in another room, I'm filled with emotion and overwhelmed with love. You make me, you complete me and I'm forever thankful that you chose me to do life with. 

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Coronthians 13:4-7

"The ocean stirs the heart...."

Watching my daughter has quickly become one of my favorite things to do. Seeing the look on her face and all of the expressions she makes as she explores and learns the world around her is priceless. When she learns a new task or finds something for the very first time, her face is sure to tell you what she thinks of it. We recently took a trip to the beach. As we were walking along the boardwalk towards the sand, thoughts were running through my mind, will she love it, hate, be indifferent? I was so excited to capture these moments! So, with the camera in tow, we made our way to the sand and surf.

I had my husband hold her so she could put her toes in the sand as I quickly snapped photos of her changing expressions as she felt sand for the very first time! She was in love and curious, wiggling her tiny toes in the sand, smiling and releasing the sweetest giggles! My husband then let me dip her toes in the surf and allow the cool ocean water to wash over her feet and around her tiny ankles. She was ecstatic, a goofy grin quickly changed to squeals and laughter, then a curious little expression.

I look forward to these moments, watching her grow and learn. Seeing the look on her face makes me feel like the most blessed woman in the world. I love viewing the world through her eyes, watching how the simple things, things we take for granted can light up her eyes and bring on some of the greatest expressions I've ever seen.

"The ocean stirs the heart, inspires the imagination and brings eternal joy to the soul."

-Wyland

Late Night Ramblings

You know those people, the ones who talk about every detail of their life and go on and on about how perfect it is and how blessed they are? Maybe you're one of those people. Heck, maybe I am too.

It's late and I'm sitting on the couch with some TV game show playing quietly in the background and the hum of a breast pump is sounding more and more like it may be talking to me. Have I lost my mind? I glance around a room, filled with toys haphazardly left laying around from a long day of entertaining a 5 month old and an attempt to keep myself sane. I really should straighten up before heading to bed, but let's be honest, bed just sounds so much more appealing than straightening up toys that will be brought right back out in the morning to allow my child to expand her mind and encourage her development. I sit here and relax, winding down before bed, it's my alone time, my quiet time, my time to think and relish on the day's events. This is my life, my sometimes chaotic life. I think of the sweet smiles I am graced with every morning, the look in her eyes when she learns something new, the way she fights me during nap times and eventually passes out with a peaceful look on her face, milk drunk. I think about how amazing it feels when my husband comes home from work and I know that the time is brief in the evenings, but we get to have those moments together, the three of us. It may just be playing on the floor and eating dinner quickly while our daughter plays alone, but it's our time, it's time we will never get back. It's time that's slipping away much too quickly. I think about putting her down for the night and hope she has sweet dreams. These thoughts make me realize how truly blessed I am. This life, it's perfectly imperfect and I'm ok with that. We have bad days, we have pleasant days and days that I wish we could put on repeat, but the truth is all of our days combined are what makes us, us. We may be a family that functions in chaos, but we live a life full of love and we experience true joy and that's sometimes hard to find. It's my life and I want to talk about every detail of this perfect, blessed little life I live.

I encourage you to think about your day, truly think about it. Look for all the perfect little imperfections. Realize how beautiful chaos is when it's spent with family. Relish these moments, love big, laugh hard and live in the moment.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Romans 15:13