“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb....Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.”
I sit here three weeks after the loss, watching my healthy and very much alive one year old play and I'm ok, really ok. There isn't anything I can do to change what happened, nothing I do will bring that baby back to me here on this earth. As hard as it is to accept, I have accepted that. God is in control, He knows what He is doing, He has a purpose. We may never know why we had lose a child, and that's ok. I can live in knowing that my child is with God and that gives me peace, comfort, and the ability to keep going. It's ok to live.
I know I will still have down days, dark moments and things that trigger sadness and I know that is all in God's plan. I'll take those days as they come, allow myself to feel those emotions and know that it's ok to go on, I don't have to wallow in my grief, I don't have to live in depression. It's ok to take time and work through the stages of grief, and there is no set time. I am filled with joy and gratitude over the people God has placed in my life. People to listen to me, hold me, cry with me, and to be apart of this journey with me.