Monday, March 7, 2016

My heart still hurts and it always will. While the pain has dulled, it is still present. There is not a day that passes where I don't think about the baby we lost. I imagine how my body would have been changing to accommodate that growing life. I imagine how we would be telling Little Miss all about becoming a big sister. How those tiny movements would feel to me, pressing my growing belly, those movements showing me how full of life this baby in my womb would have been. But none of this is our reality, these are all just figments of my imagination, lingering wishes, hopes and dreams, my prayers. The days have passed, the condolences are no longer spoken, this little life seems to have been forgotten by this world. I know our baby is in a better place, but I can't help but to selfishly want that baby here with me. I don't want this little ones life to have been forgotten. I pray for me sake and others who have lost a child (regardless the gestation or age), that the taboo around discussing loss would disappear. We need to talk, we need others to talk, and to understand that sometimes, maybe, it is okay to not be okay.

Plumb "Exhale"

"It's okay to not be okay
This is a safe place
This is a safe place
Don't be afraid
Don't be ashamed
There's still hope here
There's still hope here

No matter what you've done or who you are
Everyone is welcome in His arms

Just let go let His love wrap around you
And hold you close
Get lost in the surrender
Breathe it in until your heart breaks
Then exhale