What if every day you felt like an inadequate parent? What if every day you constantly thought how your kids deserve much better than you, deserve more than you can offer? What if every day you felt bad for your spouse because they have to live with you? What if every day you hated the person you've become? What if every day you woke up just to go through the motions, but rarely found pure joy in your day? What if every day you were scared of some of your actions? What if every day you slowly felt pieces of your true personality slipping away? What if every day you felt alone? What if every day you felt disconnected from people who love you, care for you? What if every day you felt unloved? What if every day you struggled to get out of bed? What if every day you worried about things that could happen?
What if every night you laid down and thanked God for your family, but hated how you treated them? What if every night you had to tell yourself tomorrow will be different? What if every night you told yourself it was just a bad day? What if every night you laid down to sleep but couldn't turn your brain off? What if every night you dealt with fears, irrational fears? What if every night you wanted to touch your children to make sure they were okay, that they were still breathing? What if every night you were also terrified to touch them, because what if they weren't okay? What if every night you wished it was day light because you don't like being in the dark alone? What if every night you laid your head on the pillow and just thought to yourself that tomorrow will be better, it has to be, because you feel like you're slowly losing control of your life? What if every night you knew deep down you'd wake up to do it all again tomorrow?
I am the face of postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety.
I am not alone, you are not alone. Open up, speak out, and don't be afraid to ask for help.
