Since then, I still find myself feeling saddened, feeling hurt and somewhat betrayed at the fact that I should have been holding a newborn baby (or very close to holding one). Yet, here I found myself almost midway through another pregnancy, trying my best not to get too attached for the fear of losing another. I found myself drowning in my own misery, my own grief, my own heartache.
A beautiful God thing happened, on the exact day of when my angel would have been due, I felt our tiny rainbow baby kick for the first time. To me, it felt like a sign from God that all is going to be ok and that no matter how alone I feel in all of this, He has me. He has been holding me this whole time! I just have to let go of all my hurting, let Him heal my wounds. These lyrics to a song by Plumb have resonated with me for so long and they are so perfect for anytime in our lives when we are feeling burdened, hurt, or just plain worn out.
"Just let go let His love wrap around you
And hold you close
Get lost in the surrender
Breathe it in until your heart breaks
For me, I am realizing that life will indeed go on and I can too! Gods timing is always perfect, He keeps His promises to us and will never forsake us.